HUMOR AND SATIRE | WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Mar 14 10:52

SNIPPITS AND SNAPPITS - Alternative Saturday Cartoons March 14, 2015

Here is another round of Saturday cartoons from Snippits. Enjoy!!!

Mar 14 10:32

Congress's Approval Rating No Longer Detectable by Current Technology

After a challenging week for the legislative body, the approval rating of the United States Congress has shrunk to a point where it is no longer detectable by the technology currently available, a leading pollster said on Friday.

Mar 14 08:27

Netanyahu Assures Critics He Still Has Utmost Respect For U.S. Money

In a concerted effort to ease growing tensions between the two nations, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu assured his critics Monday that he still has the utmost respect for U.S. money. “Relations between our two countries have at times been strained, but I promise you all that the entire Israeli government, myself included, still holds a high opinion of the United States’ cash,” said Netanyahu, emphasizing that his speech to Congress was not intended to show any disrespect for American funding whatsoever.

Mar 14 06:23

redacted tonight - homeless bill of rights

why racoons have more rights than homeless people
why it is illegal to ask for a handout while the government showers tax money on corporations and the military-industrial-espionage-prison state

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Mar 13 08:56

DC Matic: The Hillary-Approved Email Server!

Mar 12 08:50

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Under Miner

Mar 12 05:59

Obama’s OFA FAIL: ‘85% of 8th Graders Believe in Man-Made Climate Change, Too Bad Only Half the Senate Agrees’

So… eighth graders are now the scientific standard for policy decision making in this country? Gotta love these responses, too.

Mar 12 04:22

Air Force Launches ‘Virtual Work’ Mobile App

“Call me old-fashioned, but I used to live for the days when we’d gather around the espresso machine after breakfast and start making plans for lunch. Now I actually have to repeatedly click on mission buttons called ‘Send Email’ and ‘Present PowerPoint.’”

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Mar 10 09:35

Harvard University Sent Out A Rejection Letter That Is Pure Gold

Harvard gets many applications every year. Everyone wants to attend their school but few get selected. The person who submitted this application thought he had it in the bag, but Harvard shut him down with authority.

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Mar 09 09:29

Benjamin Netanyahu - Stand! Down! Iran (Noy Alooshe Remix)

Webmaster's Commentary: 

BUMP TO THE TOP

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Mar 07 15:40

Scary! Putin doesn't just ride horses bare chested......

He is now known to have hitched a bare chested ride on a wild weasel-pecker too.

https://twitter.com/MoscowTimes/status/572725096370065408/photo/1

No wonder NATO generals lay awake at night scared shitless thinking of what this man might try next.

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Mar 06 16:31

Never fly Solo, Han! From Wookies to weasels, internet users post series of memes in tribute to Harrison Ford’s heroism in plane crash

Brian Williams says he’s a little banged up after the Harrison Ford plane crash, but he’ll be okay.

Mar 06 15:15

RT Must Be Punished for Its Warmongering, Lies and Child Abuse Cover-Ups

From propagating lies about Libya, to airing tributes to pedophiles—It's time for UK's media regulator to kick RT off the air.

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Mar 05 11:18

Remote-Controlled Cockroaches: Coming Sooner Than You Think To 'Protect' That Hard-To-Spy-Upon Urban Ghetto

Original post.

But why send in a roach? Is not the 'Internet of Things' likely going to be treasure trove enough? One would think the seemingly endless metadata, streaming with our implied consent (did you read that Terms of Service carefully?) from every little electronic device now taken for granted in our day-to-day lives, would be able to provide more than enough details to make it trivial for supercomputers to reconstruct our every move in real time -- like the DEA is already doing for all cars on US roads...

Hyperlinks (including to a DIY roach robot kit) and video at source.

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Mar 04 13:52

Putin Killed Nemtzov - undeniable proof!

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Mar 04 12:36

Jon Stewart: Bibi’s Congress Reception Was ‘Longest Blowjob a Jewish Man Has Ever Received’

Jon Stewart tonight wrung some comedy out of Benjamin Netanyahu‘s speech to Congress, mocking it as a “Festival of Slights” to President Obama.

Mar 04 12:24

Bibi's Big Adventure - Comedy Central Original

Mar 04 06:53

Bibi at Congress: A Fantasia

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu looked out over the gathered members of Congress today. "You are my harem," the Israeli leader said, "and I am your sultan. I could pluck any one of you out and bring back to my tent, adorn you in silk, and ask you if you're grateful that you get the privilege to suck the sultan's cock. You, there, Senator Tom Cotton, part your lips and smoke the cream pipe of paradise. Darrell Issa, your tongue looks ready to wash the leathery folds of the sultan's orb sack. Don't crowd, my concubines. I will bless each of you when my jism geyser is ready to erupt. Each of you will receive the gift of the sultan's pearls on your faces."

The concubines were joyous, especially because the sultan would be showing that foul Moor who presumed to lead them the proper way to take care of a harem. "The sultan thinks we're special," declared the oldest, scabbiest concubine. "I hope he is most pleased with how we pleasure him."

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Mar 03 14:14

Video: Student Loans Are Like STDs (Everyone Is Catching Them)

Student loan debt is the next big economic sledgehammer that's about to come down on this country...the next big bubble to burst following the housing bubble.

Consider this. Student loan debt is somewhere upwards of $1.3 Trillion in this country these days — and that's just the official government loans, not private lenders, etc. The Congressional Budget Office is estimating that's going to double in the next decade as tuition rises and more people go back and get even more loans, going to grad school in the hope that if they take on even more debt and get another degree, maybe they'll finally be able to get that magical job where they can afford to live to be debt free one day to match it... a condition known these days as "American Dream Syndrome."

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Mar 01 08:07

The Emperor’s Nuke Clothes

Feb 28 09:48

US MSM has already created a composite sketch of #Nemtsov's killer

Feb 24 18:07

ISIS Is Back With A Super-Duper Scary Training Video To Intimidate Western Infidels

Feb 21 09:07

How to Talk Australians - Episode 1: ‘G’DAY KNACKERS’

Feb 19 07:30

BREAKING! LATEST VIDEO FROM "ISIS!"

Feb 18 07:55

An "A.S.S.H.O.L.E." Will Be Everywhere, Promises President Obama

President Obama today signed into law the "America's Secret Services Helping Our Liberties Endure" act, or ASSHOLE.

"This much needed piece of legislation will give us the tools we need to place an ASSHOLE on nearly every street corner, making our great country impervious to another 9/11," said the president, adding "There will be an ASSHOLE on your cell phone, an ASSHOLE monitoring your ISP and many more ASSHOLE's in our schools, work places and other public meeting places where al Qaeda types can and do flourish."

"We must endure a few privations, such as temporarily suspending the Bill of Rights in our never-ending struggle against those who attacked us on 9/11, but no freedom loving American will object to that small sacrifice to help us prevent al Qaeda or IS or aL Nusra from again striking the homeland."

Feb 15 10:47

George Carlin on Global Warming

Feb 12 10:47

If The News Was Forced to Tell the Truth

For the same reason grocery stores make you walk 20 minutes to find the milk, news outlets are in a constant competition to find the most indirect route to the information that you actually need to know. We asked you to show us what it might look like if they were forced to tell you the plain truth. The winner is below, but first the runners up ...

Feb 12 07:15

Arrest Punxsutawney Phil, Suggests New Hampshire Police Department

On Tuesday, the Merrimack Police Department in Merrimack, New Hampshire, announced that an arrest warrant was out for Punxsutawney Phil, the rodent who recently predicted the country would see six more weeks of winter. The public notice was posted on the police department’s Facebook page.

“We have received several complaints from the public that this little varmint is held up in a hole, warm and toasty,” the post reads. “He told several people that Winter would last 6 more weeks, however he failed to disclose that it would consist of mountains of snow!”

Webmaster's Commentary: 

Ah, the New England sense of humor! I miss it!

Feb 10 14:32

White House Petition - Provide kneepads to all Congressmen to prevent injury while groveling at the speech of Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu

Most congressmen are elderly and such frequent groveling may cause injuries which can be easily prevented by the provision of kneepads.

Further, as all congressmen receive health care subsidized 100% by taxpayers, the prevention of groveling-related injuries benefits public finances.

Feb 09 07:33

Kremlin-Funded Study Says Obama Is a Space Lizard

The Internet nearly exploded yesterday after it was revealed that a Pentagon "movement patterns analysis expert" concluded—after carefully studying video footage—that Vladimir Putin has an "autistic disorder."

But the study's spectacular findings pale in comparison to similar research funded by the Kremlin, which has clearly demonstrated that Barack Obama is a lizard from outer space.

Feb 07 08:19

Brian Williams lost a leg in the Spanish American War.

He also died for 22 minutes on Omaha Beach.
Fell through the ice at Chosin Reservoir.
We owe that fucker a lot.

Feb 06 13:14

Jordanian Army Crossing syria Border to Fight ISIS

Feb 06 07:35

The Fact-Checked Adventures of Brian Williams

Feb 06 07:27

Pentagon Study Concludes Putin Is Autistic, of Course - US military scientists also concluded that Putin is not properly vaccinated

Astute news consumers already know that Demon-Czar Vladimir Putin has an unquenchable thirst for orphan blood. But according to a Pentagon study recently unearthed from a dumpster behind the US Naval War College, Putin also has...Asperger's syndrome.

Feb 03 15:29

It's Putin's devilish cloak-tank!

The world has long puzzled over how Putin has managed to invade Ukraine without us being able to find any credible satellite photos, tire tracks, or tank tracks in the fields, or spent shell casings, or bodies of Russian soldiers. But one whistleblower (ein Wistleblower!—tr) from the Russian internal secret service (FSB) has now unveiled the weapons of the arsenal of dread from Putin’s Chamber of Terror.

Feb 03 11:13

Stephen Fry on God | The Meaning Of Life

Jan 26 10:44

The REAL Terror Threat

Why isn’t Homeland Security going after public enemy number 1?

Jan 25 10:15

If Disney Princesses Were Real

Jan 23 10:33

Time to Cut the Bull

Jan 22 11:17

NSA Public Service Announcement

Jan 21 11:32

How to find dirt cheap, long term parking in the heart of London

Jan 21 11:21

New Ukrainian Bicycles to hit Stores next month

Jan 21 08:46

Clear As Mud: In Case You’re Confused About What’s Going On In The Middle East…

If the people we want to defeat are defeated, they might be replaced by people we like even less. And, all this was started by us invading a country to drive out terrorists who weren’t actually there until we went in to drive them out – do you understand now?

Jan 20 15:43

Bibi’s Big Brainstorm

Jan 20 10:23

‘Most convincing evidence’: Russian embassy trolls NATO with toy tanks

The Twitter account @RussEmbassyUAE, which is the official Twitter of the Russian Embassy in the United Arab Emirates, posted a picture of tiny toy trucks, tanks and armored vehicles all lined up on the ground, with the words: “#NATO's latest evidence of #Russian armor invading #Ukraine has been leaked! Seems to be the most convincing ever!”

Jan 20 09:40

5 Awful Lessons I Learned Living With a Mystery Illness

Having a chronic, potentially life-threatening illness is terrible, which is why we call it "chronic illness" and not "chronic victory." Luckily, medical science has advanced to such a point over the years that, for the most part, you can go to a doctor to get your symptoms diagnosed and treated with a minimal amount of leeching.

But what if you were violently, persistently ill, and not a single doctor in the country had any idea what was wrong with you? That's what happened to Thomas Wolfe, who suffered from an extremely rare disease that took four damn years to correctly diagnose. We tend to think that modern medicine has identified every possible disease a person can catch, but as we learned when we talked to Mr. Wolfe about his experience, that assumption is dangerously, hilariously far from the truth:

Jan 19 11:18

FROM DREAM TO NIGHTMARE IN IMAGES

Jan 16 07:21

RUSSIAN TANK CROSSES INTO UKRAINE!!!

Jan 14 11:17

Play Israeli Youths’ Hilarious New “Push the Bibi” Video Game!

In the age of the political gaffe, how could Israeli PM Bibi Netanyahu’s now-notorious push to the front of the memorial march in Paris last week not turn heads? Fellow Israelis did a collective facepalm and chided him for presenting “the pushy Israeli, the impolite Israeli” to the world during a moment of global mourning for the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists and hostages killed in Paris.

But few went as far as the as-yet-unnamed young creators of “Push the Bibi,” a fun-poking arcade-style game that lets you navigate the Prime Minister to the front of the march. Featuring an image of Bibi wearing a crown, flanked by an Israeli and French flag, the game feels a little like midtown Manhattan during rush hour, but with a layer of bad PR. If your Bibi reaches the coveted spot between Angela Merkel and Ibrahim Keita, the game announces “Game over! Don’t try again.”

Jan 10 15:38

JE SUIS MOI ...

Jan 08 08:06

25 Highly Visible Benefits Of Being An Irrational Social Justice Warrior

In response to the “25 invisible benefits of gaming while male” SJW propaganda video, here are 25 highly visible benefits of being an irrational Social Justice Warrior.

Jan 06 14:30

Hot off the nonpress: The Khazarian Sex Predator Gene May Soon Be Found

Professor Yehuda Kosher from Be’er Chosen University, Israel, announced today that he and his team may be close to uncovering the JNA (Jewish DNA) and may be able to isolate the Khazarian Sex Predator (KSP) gene.

Professor Kosher, Israel’s leading evolutionary psychoarcheologist and a renown advocate of applied Eugenics told The Jewish Scientific Daily (JSD) that the apparent physical resemblance between Woody Alan and Alan Dershowitz’s facial features gives new hope for a scientific break through.

Jan 06 10:27

INDIA/PAKISTAN BORDER CROSSING SPOOF

Jan 06 08:00

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS - The Abridged Script

CHRISTIAN BALE
Me? Oh fuck. It's pretty sad that "Epic Rap Battles of History" has a more convincing Moses than me.

DIRECTOR RIDLEY SCOTT
(actual quote)
I can't mount a film of this budget...and say my lead actor is Mohammad so-and-so from such-and-such.

CHRISTIAN BALE
Really? You couldn't find any black or Middle Eastern actors to lead this film? Not Denzel Washington, Laurence Fishburne or Morgan Freeman? Are you saying people wouldn't line up for miles to see Samuel L. Jackson scream "Let my people fucking go!"

Jan 05 11:05

LAUGH OF THE DAY

Jan 05 11:02

THE COST OF PALESTINIAN JUSTICE ~~ IN TOONS

Jan 04 10:53

Holocaust Opinion Poll; Not for the Weak..of Stomach or Mind!

Holocaust survivors never lie, you anti-Semites! These cursed Nazi doctors inserted twelve squirrels in my ass while forced me to eat pork sausage with sauerkraut. I escaped from the death camp killing all the the squirrels and the Mengele staff with a colossal fart. I want my reparations now, and Germany must pay!

Jan 03 10:56

SPOOF OF THE FRENCH PARLIAMENT

Jan 01 12:08

NEW YEAR SPOOFS

Dec 29 07:24

Horrifying: White Cop Recorded Beating Black Man In Broad Daylight!

Yes hello? Cultural marxist mainstream media? I think we’ve finally found that race war you’re looking for!

Dec 23 13:13

'Twas the Night Raid Before Christmas

Dec 23 10:58

SPOOF AND VIDEO ON SONY’S CYBER HACK

Dec 22 10:56

99 Problems (Explicit Political Remix) ORIGINAL UPLOAD

Dec 22 10:53

IMAGES OF THE SEASON

Dec 22 07:45

10 best things about being an atheist on Christmas

3. Sex. “Is it a sin to have sex on Christmas day?” asked this poor fellow on Yahoo Answers. It’s a concern many people have, it appears. This concern doesn’t even occur to non-believers, though some of us do worry, if we did make it back home to visit the parents, about getting caught doing it in our childhood beds.

Dec 18 11:16

COMIC STRIP OF THE DAY ~~ TORTURED LOGIC

Dec 18 09:57

10 Minutes After the End of 'The Matrix' Trilogy

Morpheus and the Architect stand behind the lectern in a packed White House press room. Morpheus addresses the crowd.

"People, hear me! You are all living in a vast simulation, a prison for your mind two centuries in your future. I am here to tell you that everything is controlled by evil machines! I am here to tell you that you are now free! I am here, and feel I should add that I am not crazy!"

Murmuring from the crowd indicates that nobody believes any of this. Especially the last part. The Architect sighs, and addresses the crowd.

"What he says is true. This is a simulation." Everyone in the Matrix suddenly spends five seconds in their goo tank before returning to the Matrix. Millions are violently sick. More people swear about never wanting to go through that again. Morpheus faces the crowd with his cool mirrored shades, the worst possible thing to be wearing when you're asking people to trust you.

Dec 17 10:55

NO NATIVITY SCENE IN DC THIS YEAR

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene
at Capital Hill this Christmas season.

This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been
able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation’s Capital.

The search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Dec 15 06:34

George W. Bush Presidential Library remodeling now complete

Dec 14 08:03

BREAKING: George W. Bush Presidential Library remodeling now complete.

Dec 13 06:56

Torturer's Apprentice from Baron Munchausen

Webmaster's Commentary: 

The new National Anthem of the United States?

Dec 12 07:42

A HELPFUL SUGGESTION FOR MY FORMER COLLEAGUES IN HOLLYWOOD! SANTA CLAUS VERSUS THE NAZIS!

So I started to wonder, after decades of Hollywood obsession with events that happened before I was even born (and I am sixty one), they gotta be scraping the bottom of the barrel for movies about Nazis.

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Dec 11 08:21

Obama asks Netanyahu why he bombed Syria

Dec 05 07:16

"So Bad It Should Be Illegal."

Nov 30 11:24

THANKSGIVING IN FERGUSON (SPOOF)

Nov 28 08:00

MORE SPOOFS ON FERGUSON/PALESTINE

Nov 26 10:28

LATUFF’S FERGUSON SPOOFS

Nov 26 08:53

#FERGUSON POLITICAL CARTOONS

Nov 21 08:03

EXCLUSIVE: EURO TO DROP FIAT STATUS AND ADOPT NEW COMMODITY BACKING

After a great deal of deliberation, altercation, masturbation and machination, the Bundesbank and the European Central Bank have decided to relaunch the euro, which will in future be backed by the Bog Standard. Although not at first sight the most prepossessing name one might choose, it turns out on examination to be an inspired choice.

First and foremost, the acronym matches that of the Bank of Greece, thus signalling that the currency’s backup will be dodgy, overvalued, and run by con artists who could sell gefillte fish in Tehran.

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